Details

by Lauren O'Connell

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1.
Superimposed 05:38
When I’m with you l recall the night For every particle of light in the sky It’s reconstructed and it’s superimposed So I align you with the heavens and I watch you glow The stars don’t care if you’re looking or not Don’t waste your time if it don’t lift you up There is so much else I want to see all the things that you see Know how it feels to the air when you breathe If I’m afraid of it, it’s probably true If somebody changed their mind, I don’t know what I’d do No one’s gonna light the world up for you The stars don’t care if you’re looking or not Don’t waste your time if it don’t lift you up There is so much else And I’ve known that for as long as I’ve known what sorrow is And it’s easy just believing But then as soon as it’s on me, well then it’s something else entirely It was the year of the hole in my chest Writing appeals with everything I had left Every 3 a.m. I’d go to that spot Just to drive against the arrows in the parking lot But the past don’t care what you regret Don’t waste your heart on what you’ll never get There is so much else So I’ll keep you like I don’t need to Well I just want you around But it keeps me uneasy Just to know that I’ve arrived when I cannot remember finding my way And the chill won’t love you for freezing Don’t waste your heart just because you can Oh there is so much else When I’m with you l recall the night For every particle of light in the sky It’s reconstructed and it’s superimposed So I align you with the heavens and I watch you glow
2.
Were you rolling Far away on roads you built for me? Was it easy, easy for you Like all things seem to be? Was I all you wanted? Did the moon hang low? Did you lift off the ground? Did you finally know? Does my voice ride on the wind now And guide you everywhere? Does the night come ever slower With me waiting there? Were there brand new stars out? Did your wings unfold? Did you lose your balance? Did you find your soul? I was certain that you could hear me I was right next to you You were looking over my shoulder Maybe I should have been too Were there brand new stars out? Did your wings unfold? Did you lose your balance? Did you find your soul?
3.
If I told you I thought you were the son of God You would spit in my face with a wink and a nod Let everybody know how you shrugged it off But holy shit, how good you would look on a cross In a few years’ time I wonder how you will tell Every turn in the tale of how you found yourself You were waiting for you on a cloud somewhere But it wasn’t your fault if no one could follow you there And when you come down If you ever come down Make sure you pick the right circles When you ask around And if you don't hear Exactly what you'd hoped Make sure you laugh the loudest Like you were in on the joke And if you bowed out now, I know you know you’d be missed The man who loved every woman that he ever kissed He unraveled himself all in the name of art With a voice from the bottom of everybody else’s hearts And when you come down If you ever come down Make sure you pick the right circles When you ask around And if you don't hear Exactly what you'd hoped Make sure you laugh the loudest Like you were in on the joke When you finally look will you feel some relief To see the tight-lipped smile that’s hanging on me But I’m just hiding all the blood from the tongue that I bit And I’ll be damned if the devil ever really needs an advocate
4.
I was waiting for a moment alone Sat beside you when you got home I took a breath and you took out your phone So I just did the same I just did the same I tried to be the simple answer I tried to be the ground for you to stand I’m trying to know what’s out of my hands Change the song to whatever you like I’m too tired to change your mind, so Turn it up if you’re feeling inclined To wander to the sound Wander to the sound The distant rustle of a woman undressing Who could’ve kept you but kept you guessing Another sun that didn’t say it was setting When it called you outside Any loving and helpless tune Will be old before it’s halfway through And any light I leave on for you Will be dim next to the moon Who am I next to the moon? ‘Cause I swear I caught you stealing glances at shadows Drifting off on the back of a half note I’ll never know what it was that you had so Why would I try But I can just see it through your memory’s filter Singing back, all in shimmering silver Like there is nothing alive that could fill your Heart with such light If I could only make you talk in your sleep then Maybe I’d know the ocean you’re keeping You never look me in the eye when you’re dreaming (I tried to be the simple answer I tried to be the ground for you to stand I’m dying to hold what’s out of my…) In the arguments I write for us About the things I know we’ll never bring up I always ask if I can only be What you want when I am gone Will I haunt you when I’m gone?
5.
Guilt 02:51
Guilt is gonna eat you alive Guilt is gonna eat you alive Guilt is gonna shred you With wild abandon If you stay awake All the friends that you never see All of them are talking right now They’ve gathered all the evidence And you know what it says Oh, stay away Guilt is gonna break all your bones Guilt is gonna break all your bones Flying down the staircase Like an act of redemption If you stay awake Waiting for your call when she died She was waiting for your call when she died You’ve tried to keep your promise Now that you know better Silence at the end of the line
6.
Rest Easy 04:50
Everything is on hold But it’s all in view All under control And you are too Everything that falls Only falls in place Everything you need Awaits So go on, rest easy now There’s no trouble where we’re heading It could be so easy now If you’d only learn to let it You get so mad But maybe that’s not fair They’re all on your side You can be on theirs But it’s all right Everybody forgives Everybody agrees What to make of all this So go on rest easy now Even though you don’t feel ready Whatever you need to settle down Oh, the night is getting heavy Oh but I’m sick of hating all the people I’ve been How I pretend that I am separate from them Repelled by anybody who resembles them I’m spitting on graves I’m halfway in But I will never be new I will never be new I will never be new again Oh my God, rest easy now LIke you don’t know where this is headed Imagine it all just slowing down Imagine you know how to let it
7.
Out of Focus 05:00
I thought it might help if I could try limiting All of my thoughts to meaningless little things So I’d get hung up on some letter you wrote me Go outside, imagine the weather in Tokyo But I'd get dragged down by the slightest connection Just fly off the tracks to some recollection Of a casual mention of a trip ‘round the planet A phone call that I didn't get when you’d landed And how I still waited for you When you told me not to Still remember the things that you chose to leave out of focus Admire, compose, and pretend not to notice And in all of your messages, the intimate care that you Took to show you didn't wish I was there with you And I don't know why I thought I could estimate How many cars could fit on the Golden Gate And not think of when we first crossed it together You said "fuck San Francisco and its shitty weather" But I kind of thought it was nice Why couldn't you just let something be nice? And yeah, of course I know what kind of beer we were drinking last Christmas When I asked you those things that were none of my business And I think I called you a liar but actually I was just mad that you wouldn't yell back at me And I never thanked you for that So thanks That's all you're gonna get Now it's been a long time, it's almost even easy I get days, even weeks where you vanish completely And I know I'm free now of hating or wanting you I just hate that I still understand what I saw in you I hate that I still understand what I saw in you
8.
I get out of bed each morning on time Turn on the lights and open all the blinds Gather up my doubts and drown them all out In manufactured reasons to be proud ‘Cause everyone always deserves to be proud I’ll have a holiday for undue credit Find a bad habit and a way to quit it And know with my steady soul That everything is always under control And if someone tries to be kind, I’ll find a way To smile wide and find something to say If there's nothing there, that's okay We can hitch ourselves to little white lies and triangulate 'Cause none of us fit together the way that we're made I've got stakes in the ground that I can stand close to Make conversation, laugh when I'm supposed to ‘Cause oh, who wants to be alone? Everything is always under control You can change your standards 'til somebody meets them Someone you can tolerate until you need them And oh, our star-crossed souls Oh, everything is always under control If I should start to drift, I’ll feel for a rope Move hand over hand and don’t let go Just trust a little bit and before you know You’ll forget you ever wondered where it goes
9.
I wonder if I felt my grip get loose Or if it would have mattered if I knew I'd like to think I knew that you could do better 'Cause if someone else tried to step in, well I probably would have let her And I would not have minded knowing her name No, I would not have minded Knowing she knew you better than I did No, I would not have minded knowing her name I think I was kind of taken aback When I noticed all the questions you didn't ask 'Cause either you didn't care enough to have them Or maybe I just wasn't the mystery that I had imagined But I learned to be sorry you were gone I learned to be sorry If only just the kind of sorry that doesn't Think it really did anything wrong
10.
A familiar sound Another slow collapse I called home so I’d know That I had somewhere to go And I carried on Like somehow they should be proud There’s this strength in their daughter Come hell or high water She will argue while she drowns Like I was born into the feeling I'd earned the right to act as though We all might as well be quitters And I'm the only one who knows So my sense of truth is waning Dragging right behind my pride But losing feels so graceful When I pretend my hands were tied Now I’m back in that dream Where I sat in the wrong seat But somehow drove Halfway to I don’t know And if they find me like this Who’s really gonna believe This was not me, this was not me I know I did it but it was not me So now they’re running diagnostics On everything you’ll ever have “The system had potential but the wiring was bad But our age is one of wonders So let nothing get you down We’ll find another glitch that you can build yourself around” You can scramble for an exit When the world starts pouring in You can give your life to God But you will need it more than him And you know that the wind is still gonna find you And as the pressure starts to build You can beat yourself to death out there, oh Just by standing still

credits

released February 9, 2018

Lauren O’Connell: Vocals, rhythm guitars, banjo, EBow bass, EBow piano, acoustic lead guitar (track 2), lead guitar (track 3), piano (tracks 7 & 8), guitar fx (track 8)

Olivia Lee: Lead guitar, Nord Stage, sampling, prepared piano, Hammond C3, Rhodes Mkii, Yamaha YC30, drum machine, Count to 5, RM1N, Warped Vinyl, acoustic guitar (track 6)

Lauren Grubb: Shakers, tambourines, concert bass drum, sleigh bells, drum set

Josh Fossgreen: Bass

Duncan Nielsen: Electric lead guitar (track 2), 2nd lead guitar (track 3)

Produced by Olivia Lee and Lauren O’Connell

Additional production by Lauren Grubb

All songs written by Lauren O’Connell

Recorded by Ian Pellicci at New, Improved Recording in Oakland, CA

Additional recording by both Laurens & Olivia at home

Tracks 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 9, 10 mixed by Ian Pellicci

Tracks 4, 6, 8 mixed by Beau Sorenson

Mastered by TW Walsh

Photos by Olivia Lee

Album Art by Olivia Lee and Jeff Marini

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Lauren O'Connell Oakland, California

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