Details

by Lauren O'Connell

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05:38
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02:51
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04:50
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05:00
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credits

released February 9, 2018

Lauren O’Connell: Vocals, rhythm guitars, banjo, EBow bass, EBow piano, acoustic lead guitar (track 2), lead guitar (track 3), piano (tracks 7 & 8), guitar fx (track 8)

Olivia Lee: Lead guitar, Nord Stage, sampling, prepared piano, Hammond C3, Rhodes Mkii, Yamaha YC30, drum machine, Count to 5, RM1N, Warped Vinyl, acoustic guitar (track 6)

Lauren Grubb: Shakers, tambourines, concert bass drum, sleigh bells, drum set

Josh Fossgreen: Bass

Duncan Nielsen: Electric lead guitar (track 2), 2nd lead guitar (track 3)

Produced by Olivia Lee and Lauren O’Connell

Additional production by Lauren Grubb

All songs written by Lauren O’Connell

Recorded by Ian Pellicci at New, Improved Recording in Oakland, CA

Additional recording by both Laurens & Olivia at home

Tracks 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 9, 10 mixed by Ian Pellicci

Tracks 4, 6, 8 mixed by Beau Sorenson

Mastered by TW Walsh

Photos by Olivia Lee

Album Art by Olivia Lee and Jeff Marini

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Lauren O'Connell Oakland, California

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Track Name: Superimposed
When I’m with you l recall the night
For every particle of light in the sky
It’s reconstructed and it’s superimposed
So I align you with the heavens and I watch you glow

The stars don’t care if you’re looking or not
Don’t waste your time if it don’t lift you up
There is so much else

I want to see all the things that you see
Know how it feels to the air when you breathe
If I’m afraid of it, it’s probably true
If somebody changed their mind, I don’t know what I’d do
No one’s gonna light the world up for you

The stars don’t care if you’re looking or not
Don’t waste your time if it don’t lift you up
There is so much else

And I’ve known that for as long as
I’ve known what sorrow is
And it’s easy just believing
But then as soon as it’s on me, well then it’s something else entirely

It was the year of the hole in my chest
Writing appeals with everything I had left
Every 3 a.m. I’d go to that spot
Just to drive against the arrows in the parking lot

But the past don’t care what you regret
Don’t waste your heart on what you’ll never get
There is so much else

So I’ll keep you like I don’t need to
Well I just want you around
But it keeps me uneasy
Just to know that I’ve arrived when I cannot remember finding my way

And the chill won’t love you for freezing
Don’t waste your heart just because you can
Oh there is so much else

When I’m with you l recall the night
For every particle of light in the sky
It’s reconstructed and it’s superimposed
So I align you with the heavens and I watch you glow
Track Name: Moon Hang Low
Were you rolling
Far away on roads you built for me?
Was it easy, easy for you
Like all things seem to be?

Was I all you wanted?
Did the moon hang low?
Did you lift off the ground?
Did you finally know?

Does my voice ride on the wind now
And guide you everywhere?
Does the night come ever slower
With me waiting there?

Were there brand new stars out?
Did your wings unfold?
Did you lose your balance?
Did you find your soul?

I was certain that you could hear me
I was right next to you
You were looking over my shoulder
Maybe I should have been too

Were there brand new stars out?
Did your wings unfold?
Did you lose your balance?
Did you find your soul?
Track Name: In on the Joke
If I told you I thought you were the son of God
You would spit in my face with a wink and a nod
Let everybody know how you shrugged it off
But holy shit, how good you would look on a cross

In a few years’ time I wonder how you will tell
Every turn in the tale of how you found yourself
You were waiting for you on a cloud somewhere
But it wasn’t your fault if no one could follow you there

And when you come down
If you ever come down
Make sure you pick the right circles
When you ask around
And if you don't hear
Exactly what you'd hoped
Make sure you laugh the loudest
Like you were in on the joke

And if you bowed out now, I know you know you’d be missed
The man who loved every woman that he ever kissed
He unraveled himself all in the name of art
With a voice from the bottom of everybody else’s hearts

And when you come down
If you ever come down
Make sure you pick the right circles
When you ask around
And if you don't hear
Exactly what you'd hoped
Make sure you laugh the loudest
Like you were in on the joke

When you finally look will you feel some relief
To see the tight-lipped smile that’s hanging on me
But I’m just hiding all the blood from the tongue that I bit
And I’ll be damned if the devil ever really needs an advocate
Track Name: Shimmering Silver
I was waiting for a moment alone
Sat beside you when you got home
I took a breath and you took out your phone
So I just did the same
I just did the same

I tried to be the simple answer
I tried to be the ground for you to stand
I’m trying to know what’s out of my hands

Change the song to whatever you like
I’m too tired to change your mind, so
Turn it up if you’re feeling inclined
To wander to the sound
Wander to the sound

The distant rustle of a woman undressing
Who could’ve kept you but kept you guessing
Another sun that didn’t say it was setting
When it called you outside

Any loving and helpless tune
Will be old before it’s halfway through
And any light I leave on for you
Will be dim next to the moon
Who am I next to the moon?

‘Cause I swear I caught you stealing glances at shadows
Drifting off on the back of a half note
I’ll never know what it was that you had so
Why would I try

But I can just see it through your memory’s filter
Singing back, all in shimmering silver
Like there is nothing alive that could fill your
Heart with such light

If I could only make you talk in your sleep then
Maybe I’d know the ocean you’re keeping
You never look me in the eye when you’re dreaming

(I tried to be the simple answer
I tried to be the ground for you to stand
I’m dying to hold what’s out of my…)

In the arguments I write for us
About the things I know we’ll never bring up
I always ask if I can only be
What you want when I am gone
Will I haunt you when I’m gone?
Track Name: Guilt
Guilt is gonna eat you alive
Guilt is gonna eat you alive
Guilt is gonna shred you
With wild abandon
If you stay awake

All the friends that you never see
All of them are talking right now
They’ve gathered all the evidence
And you know what it says
Oh, stay away

Guilt is gonna break all your bones
Guilt is gonna break all your bones
Flying down the staircase
Like an act of redemption
If you stay awake

Waiting for your call when she died
She was waiting for your call when she died
You’ve tried to keep your promise
Now that you know better
Silence at the end of the line
Track Name: Rest Easy
Everything is on hold
But it’s all in view
All under control
And you are too

Everything that falls
Only falls in place
Everything you need
Awaits

So go on, rest easy now
There’s no trouble where we’re heading
It could be so easy now
If you’d only learn to let it

You get so mad
But maybe that’s not fair
They’re all on your side
You can be on theirs

But it’s all right
Everybody forgives
Everybody agrees
What to make of all this

So go on rest easy now
Even though you don’t feel ready
Whatever you need to settle down
Oh, the night is getting heavy

Oh but I’m sick of hating all the people I’ve been
How I pretend that I am separate from them
Repelled by anybody who resembles them
I’m spitting on graves I’m halfway in
But I will never be new
I will never be new
I will never be new again

Oh my God, rest easy now
LIke you don’t know where this is headed
Imagine it all just slowing down
Imagine you know how to let it
Track Name: Out of Focus
I thought it might help if I could try limiting
All of my thoughts to meaningless little things
So I’d get hung up on some letter you wrote me
Go outside, imagine the weather in Tokyo

But I'd get dragged down by the slightest connection
Just fly off the tracks to some recollection
Of a casual mention of a trip ‘round the planet
A phone call that I didn't get when you’d landed

And how I still waited for you
When you told me not to

Still remember the things that you chose to leave out of focus
Admire, compose, and pretend not to notice
And in all of your messages, the intimate care that you
Took to show you didn't wish I was there with you

And I don't know why I thought I could estimate
How many cars could fit on the Golden Gate
And not think of when we first crossed it together
You said "fuck San Francisco and its shitty weather"

But I kind of thought it was nice
Why couldn't you just let something be nice?

And yeah, of course I know what kind of beer we were drinking last Christmas
When I asked you those things that were none of my business
And I think I called you a liar but actually
I was just mad that you wouldn't yell back at me

And I never thanked you for that
So thanks
That's all you're gonna get

Now it's been a long time, it's almost even easy
I get days, even weeks where you vanish completely
And I know I'm free now of hating or wanting you
I just hate that I still understand what I saw in you
I hate that I still understand what I saw in you
Track Name: Under Control
I get out of bed each morning on time
Turn on the lights and open all the blinds
Gather up my doubts and drown them all out
In manufactured reasons to be proud
‘Cause everyone always deserves to be proud

I’ll have a holiday for undue credit
Find a bad habit and a way to quit it
And know with my steady soul
That everything is always under control

And if someone tries to be kind, I’ll find a way
To smile wide and find something to say
If there's nothing there, that's okay
We can hitch ourselves to little white lies and triangulate
'Cause none of us fit together the way that we're made

I've got stakes in the ground that I can stand close to
Make conversation, laugh when I'm supposed to
‘Cause oh, who wants to be alone?
Everything is always under control

You can change your standards 'til somebody meets them
Someone you can tolerate until you need them
And oh, our star-crossed souls
Oh, everything is always under control

If I should start to drift, I’ll feel for a rope
Move hand over hand and don’t let go
Just trust a little bit and before you know
You’ll forget you ever wondered where it goes
Track Name: Knowing Her Name
I wonder if I felt my grip get loose
Or if it would have mattered if I knew
I'd like to think I knew that you could do better
'Cause if someone else tried to step in, well I probably would have let her

And I would not have minded knowing her name
No, I would not have minded
Knowing she knew you better than I did
No, I would not have minded knowing her name

I think I was kind of taken aback
When I noticed all the questions you didn't ask
'Cause either you didn't care enough to have them
Or maybe I just wasn't the mystery that I had imagined

But I learned to be sorry you were gone
I learned to be sorry
If only just the kind of sorry that doesn't
Think it really did anything wrong
Track Name: Build Yourself
A familiar sound
Another slow collapse
I called home so I’d know
That I had somewhere to go

And I carried on
Like somehow they should be proud
There’s this strength in their daughter
Come hell or high water
She will argue while she drowns

Like I was born into the feeling
I'd earned the right to act as though
We all might as well be quitters
And I'm the only one who knows
So my sense of truth is waning
Dragging right behind my pride
But losing feels so graceful
When I pretend my hands were tied

Now I’m back in that dream
Where I sat in the wrong seat
But somehow drove
Halfway to I don’t know

And if they find me like this
Who’s really gonna believe
This was not me, this was not me
I know I did it but it was not me

So now they’re running diagnostics
On everything you’ll ever have
“The system had potential but the wiring was bad
But our age is one of wonders
So let nothing get you down
We’ll find another glitch that you can build yourself around”

You can scramble for an exit
When the world starts pouring in
You can give your life to God
But you will need it more than him
And you know that the wind is still gonna find you
And as the pressure starts to build
You can beat yourself to death out there, oh
Just by standing still

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