Demos Vol. I

by Lauren O'Connell

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Less an album, more a collection site for album-less demos, covers, collaborations recorded at my house.

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released June 4, 2013

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Lauren O'Connell San Francisco, California

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Track Name: Out of Focus (Demo)
I thought it might help if I could try limiting
All of my thoughts to meaningless little things
If I got hung up on some letter you wrote me go
Outside imagine the weather in Tokyo

But I'd get dragged down by the slightest connection
Just fly off the tracks to some recollection
Of a casual mention of a trip round the planet
A phone call that I didn't get when you landed
And how I still waited for you
When you told me not to

Still remember the things that you chose to leave out of focus
Admire, compose, and pretend not to notice
And in all of your messages, the intimate care that you
Took to show you didn't wish I was there with you

And of course I know what kind of beer we were drinking last Christmas
When I asked you those things that were none of my business
I think called you a liar but actually
I was just mad that you wouldn't yell back at me
And I never thanked you for that
So thanks
That's all you're gonna get

It's been a long time, it's almost even easy
I get days, even weeks where you vanish completely
I know I'm free now of hating or wanting you
I just hate that I still understand what I saw in you
I just hate that I still understand what I saw in you
Track Name: From Chambers, Slow (Acoustic)
There's a tree in my yard and it killed all the other plants
And showed no remorse
But even nature's a bitch and she's gonna take her course

It dominates the yard and it doesn't seem right
It played out like that
But you won't hear me complain 'cause it don't look bad

Would you trust your life
To traffic lights
And strangers' hands
Near every night
As I sing in time
With the crashing cars
And all sounds that carry
To my front yard
And I will be the one who knows what's coming to me
I'm gonna know, I'll know, I'll know what's coming to me

If I were a ghost, I'd fuck with everybody I know
Shake the walls on each house
And each attic above so keep your ear to the ground

I'd carve "hello" into a rafter with a bent up fork
So you can read it next time
You go up there to push something out of sight and mind

Bullets may fly
From chambers, slow
But straight and steady
So still they go
And weave around
Houses and trees
In search of you
In search of me
And I will be the one who knows what's coming to me
I'm gonna know, I'll know, I'll know what's coming to me
Track Name: I Would Rather Be Gone (Demo)
I've spent time
Just figuring ways
Something more certain than just hoping you will stay
But what good is that
When it's so hard to tell
If I could give you anything
That you could not find better somewhere else
Help me out, help me out

I've tried to count
The things I'd do
What I would change if I only knew how to
And I don't know why
But for better or worse
I can't shake this need I've got
For you to know exactly what I'm worth
Help me out, help me out

Is it all right to know that you're not better off?
Is it okay for me to wish that you were lonelier when I was gone?
‘Cause I’ve loved you the best that I know how
But I think I'm loving you wrong
And I would rather be gone

I grew up to find
My heart open
And my hand held out like fate owed me something
But should I even want it
Like we’re all built to hold
Under the pressure that just comes along
With knowing that you're something somebody chose
Help me out, help me out

I just need somewhere to go
Some dirt to fill some holes and there are plenty
Of ways to get that done
It's just that I want little to do
With anybody who's not you
And I have noticed
That's almost everyone
Track Name: Bystander (Acoustic)
I think it'd be grand
To be a thief all with my red hands
Making a grab at every single chance
And there are plenty around here
I'd say "Sweet providence
Show me a taste, a little consequence
Something to make me wanna repent
'Cause I'm so far out of bounds here"

I'm no bystander

Call it a paradox
A war that we wage all made of scissors and rocks
And paper, it came but only just to talk
But somehow won anyway
And as for treatises
Why would I lay out all my weaknesses?
And show just how bleak all of this bleakness is?
‘Cause I had nothing better to say?

If I write memoirs
I'll make up lies about how movie stars
Showed me all I know of what people are
We all want to be wanted around
How I saw Jesse James
With no desperation in his pale face
Took what he wanted and they gave chase
To every corner of town