Quitters

by Lauren O'Connell

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04:18
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04:32

credits

released 02 March 2012

Produced by Lauren O'Connell
Engineered & mixed by Oz Fritz at Prairie Sun Studios in Cotati, CA
Mastered by Paul Stubblebine
Album design and photography by Jeffrey Marini
All songs written by Lauren O'Connell

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Track Name: Every Space
Well if it's better that way
You'd be the first to say so
Maybe I wasn't so sure
But it doesn't matter who shot first
It's not about what anyone deserves

If you should ever feel bad
Consider it a study
In just how far it is
Between a hand you touch and an arm you twist
It's not about what was attached to it

And when you start to tire
You will look for something
To fill some empty space
Just 'til you empty it again

It's a dirty trick
It's a cold advantage
But I wouldn't mind
To be the steady hand that cuts the line
It's not about recovering lost pride

If it's better that way
Why would I not just do that
But I prefer to keep
Every mistake I won't admit
Keep it alive but keep it hid
With bullets that I never bit
Until I make them all again

Lay it down, wait it out, I'll be around
Lay it down, you need a quick way out, I'll be around
Lay it down, wait it out, I'll be around

I f it's better that way
Why would I not just do that
To know that living is
Hearing every beat your heart don't skip
Every end you don't begin
Every sin you need not forgive
And every space you don't fill in
Track Name: I Will Burn You Down
The door is shut but the walls are thin
I hear somebody move within
And I think how I could knock
They'd open up, I'd say that I
Was there to read the meter and I'd like
Just two minutes inside

They'd let me in I'd slip upstairs
I'd walk around the rooms up there
With no shoes on
I'd run my hands along the paint
I'd ask why they changed everything around
And they'd ask me to leave

You will lose a place that once was yours
But you'd best not come around
So if you don't want to feel rejected
Assume that somebody tore it down

My mind goes to other buildings
Like the one that I first met you in
And I think I could go to your place
And ask who you have met since we
Last talked but I must gracefully refrain
'Cos that's just what people do

You will lose somebody that you love
But you'd best not write or call
So if you don't want to go crazy
Assume that they stopped loving at all

But your gut still knows that those stairs still creak
And the walls still talk and the roof still leaks
And a heart still wants and some looks still kill
And a life lives on with a space to fill
And it will, and it will, and it will…

Holding on is just part of letting go
But you'd best just walk away
When your life stops being your business
If just to prove you can keep busy anyway

Yeah, holding on is just part of letting go
That's what you said when you left town
But I'm afraid that on my worst day
I'll go myself and I will burn that fucker down
Baby I will burn you down
Baby I will burn you down
Track Name: I Belong to You
If it was up to me to build this place
Well I'd have made the miles it takes a little shorter
And I think I would tell the hills to lay to waste
And soak up all the Finger Lakes
So I could straighten the lines
Yeah, so I could straighten the lines to anywhere

If I was told to know my place
Well, I think I would choose a space closer to yours
And I would use those lines I drew to get real close
A finger on my pulse because
I think that it's strongest there
Yeah, I think that it's strongest there near you

'Cos I do not belong to the night
Mystery or song or moonlight
To be a far-begotten soul, I don't know what they do
Don't know where such souls go
I belong to you

If the ground should start to break
Well, I think I would allocate more of my bones
To keep our legs up and the tiny ones inside our hands
Would plant themselves in door frames
And each other or at least I hope
With each other, or at least I hope they would

'Cos I do not belong to the night
Mystery or song or moonlight
To be a far-begotten soul, I don't know what they do
Don't know where such souls go
'Cos I belong to you

If any part of us should start to die
I'd dig a well and bleed it dry and wait there
For something to breathe 'cos I believe or at least I try
That nothing is just born to die
'Cos I think that we'd all just wait
Yeah, I think that we'd all just wait if that were true

'Cos I do not belong to the night
Mystery or song or moonlight
To be a far-begotten soul, I don't know what they do
Don't know where such souls go
'Cos I belong to you
I belong to you
I belong to you so long as this world allows me to
Track Name: Things Are Alright
I am giving myself headaches
I am eating foods I hate
So when I go back to things I do want
I can appreciate the change

Some days I will look up cities
Where the weather's worse than here
Invent the name of someone who lives there
Feel kind of bad and have a beer

And I can prove that I've tried
No, I am resigned
To the ways that things are alright

I am making some new friends here
Who I can like and then avoid
So I can reaffirm my reasons
For calling loneliness a choice

When I revisit old feelings
I declare them better left behind
'Cos I think love is just the act
Of thinking you're in love at the time

And I can prove that I've tried
No, I am resigned
To the ways that things are alright
Track Name: If Found/Gravity
There's a rattle in the dashboard
And it's arguing with me
But I'm not sure if it's the voice
Of anything better than vanity

It says I'll remember every city
For long after I leave
But no matter what I do
They will not remember me

I want something returned to me

But I have known some people
These glowing singularities
One square foot of ground so solid
Unburdened and unburdening

Oh, to be the single soul of an empire
A willfully uncharted map
To live and ask nothing of anyone
And be content to get just that

I want something returned to me

Should I await some revelation
Some great blessing from above
So every memory be quelled
Of anyone I might have loved

And every mile the stuff of legend
Every thought be pivotal
Every move within my soul
Be jury, judge and criminal

No, I want something returned to me
I want something returned to me

----------------

Some days I fear gravity
Is gonna up and forget about me
Some days I fear you
Are gonna up and forget me too

Please don't forget me
I will be home soon
Track Name: What Breaks (and What Doesn't)
There's a scar on my lip
One that you can't help but kiss
From when I was a kid
I got it like this
See, I was three years old, maybe younger still
Crashed headlong into a window sill
And was surprised when I broke instead of it
That's the scar that's on my lip
That's what you're kissing when we kiss

When you leave, you will be fine
You will be fine

When it gets real late
So late that it's not late anymore
And I'm alone, awake
Just creaking with the floors
I can beg the sun to let me sleep
Don't know what stake it holds in the hours I keep
I'll push it down, but these burning hands won't seem to do
All my efforts fall right through
The morning makes me think of you

When you leave, you will be fine
You will be fine

But if we're talking about distractions
Everything is a distraction
Except when your blood flows
'Cos your heart beats
And when your ribs rise
'Cos your lungs breathe
And if the earth moves
Where would you be
With what you love more
Where does that put me

When you leave, you will be fine
You will be fine
You will be fine
Track Name: Maybe True Stories
I've been trying to quantify
All of the wrong that one can pack into a lie
And I've been trying to put on a scale
Just how bad all of that wrong should make me feel
Because they told me once when I was young

That liars are as liars do
And if you do, it's off to Hell with you
No smiling, kid, I speak the truth
But I've a sneaking feeling they were liars too
So logically, then, we're all hypocrites
But does it make it better or make it worse to be aware of it?

I'm convincing myself that it's all relative
And if there's a God, when He forgives, I think He must consider it
'Cos I've been noticing confusion in the laws He made
The nature of the truth and where it bends and where it breaks
And where I twisted it to my benefit

When this man said he was in love with me
And I thought that he was dumb to be
So I pretended that I was asleep
Called it free will what he willed to believe
And it ended, so I guess it's just as well
But that's why sometimes I think I might go to Hell

And I worry too, how I never mentioned to you
How I drove your car while you were gone
A mile with the parking brake still on
'Cos it seems to me, you wait too long
And you may as well have not meant well all along
And I'm hoping hard if it's the thought that counts
That you don't ever have to know what I think about

And every soul can always fit through Heaven's door
With the weight of things it never told anyone before
Track Name: The Same Things
I was thinking out scenarios with you
I was thinking if you die before I do
I'd lay my things out on the lawn
With a sign I scrawled out front that says
"Free to a good home, take it 'til it's gone"

'Cos I think all those things would be no use
And I was thinking if I die before you do
All I would ask is don't get mad
I threw away my cigarettes
No, that's a lie, but I won't buy another pack

My eyes might dart
My ears might ring
But it helps to think we are made out of the same things

And sometimes I get anxious being here
Checking lists and putting things in gear
I'm aware that paper cuts cut clean
But one wound closes, there's another
And my fingers bleed and drip recurring themes

My eyes might dart
My ears might ring
But it helps to think we are made out of the same things

And everything was beautiful last night
I lost my glasses, looked around
At everything reduced to areas of light
And you and I

My eyes might dart
My ears might ring
But it helps to think we are made out of the same things
Track Name: In the Next Room
O holy ghost of eternal discontentment
Help yourself to the helm, be an anchor when I let you in
O holy weight, o tremendous radiant doubt
Come blend in with something that I need till I can't pick you out

'Cos in every place I've ever lived in
The same voices are talking from in the next room
It's not so bad that I'd call it a habit
Just something I can't seem to stop wanting to do

There's chatter that's less of good luck and more of poor taste
Some good fortune's no more than a joke or a blessing misplaced

'Cos in every place I've ever lived in
The same voices are talking from in the next room
It's not so bad that I'd call it a habit
Just something I can't seem to stop wanting to do

But even so I don't know
How these shadows can grow
When nothing ever casted them out
How I came to be at the feet
Of some dark deity
No one ever told me about

With every whisper of some slight absolution
Every angle's begrudgingly laughing at me
Every word is the joke that I've stolen
But I've committed and truly it's all in the delivery
Track Name: White Noise
I'm taking syllables that I want to lose meaning
And painting them in white up on the ceiling
To swim around the air while I am sleeping
And in the morning they'll be a little bit blurrier

And one morning I'll be squinting from my bed
To make out the letters overhead
But they've blurred into a cloud up there instead
And I'm inviting you to be white paint
I'm inviting you to be white paint

Where do you send things to
When your heart ain't got no room
I'm set on banishing
My undying love
Unwavering favor of
All the wrong things

Those syllables will sound against my skull
To echo and overlap until they're dull
To blend in with the hum inside the walls
And I'm inviting you to be white noise
I'm inviting you to be white noise

Where do you send things to
When your heart ain't got no room
I'm set on banishing
My undying love
Unwavering favor of
All the wrong things

And I'd like to know how difficult is it
To recreate established laws of physics
To dwell inside the confines of a minute
Where everything just drones, null and void
And in that instant you are just white noise